As an author and editor I feel one of the biggest
struggles we face as writers is how to make our characters connect with the
audience. This must happen in every story, or the reader won’t keep turning the
page. How I deal with that struggle is to draw upon my years as an actor.
‘What’s my motivation?’ is something I was often asked by
directors. They wanted me to take the time to create an inner dialogue for the
person I portrayed. Though these inner thoughts were never shared with the
audience, they helped make my outward actions, the things the audience could
see and hear, more realistic. Now, if that only confused you, don’t worry. Next,
I’m going to illustrate what I mean.
Below are two short scenes. In each of the scenes the
action and dialogue will remain the same. The only thing I’m going to change is
the motivation for the main character.
Scene 1
Why
had he come back to this stupid town? It had been so hard to leave in the first
place. “I can’t do this anymore.” He glared at the lines of the sidewalk
passing under his feet, wishing he had more courage than to just storm out of
his parent’s home like a child. He was a grown man now, for heaven’s sake! He
should have acted like one, and punched his brother in the face. His hurried
march barreled him into the back of a woman not moving fast enough.
“Hey.”
She stumbled forward but didn’t fall. The tear-streaked face she turned his
direction couldn’t have been caused by him. Her red eyes looked like she’d been
at it for a while. She crossed her arms. “What’s the deal? Are you lost or
something?”
“Uh…no.”
He looked her up and down. She seemed familiar, but he’d been gone so long he
couldn’t be sure. “Are you from around here?”
“Seriously—now
you’re trying to hit on me?”
“Of course not—you seem upset. Is
there something I can do?” Jeez, why had he asked that? He had enough problems
of his own, but her expression seemed so forlorn. How could he ignore it?
“I don’t know.” She squeezed her
folded arms even tighter, her eyes pooling with tears again.
“Come on, now.” He held out his hand
as an offering of comfort she could take. “How will you know unless you try?”
In his thirty years of life going out of his way to help others had slapped him
in the face more than once, but here he was, doing it again.
Awe…right? He sounds like such a nice man, going out of
his way to help another. Now watch me turn the scene on its head by doing
nothing more than changing the motivation.
Scene 2
His
whole body itched for another victim. It had been so long since his last, he
struggle to hide the frustration behind his easy-going demeanor. “I can’t do
this anymore.” He glared at the lines of the sidewalk passing under his feet,
wishing Peggy’s body hadn’t been found. Though the police hadn’t come knocking
on his door, the discovery had made everyone in town hyper-aware of their
surroundings. Watchful eyes were never a good thing for someone like him. His
hurried march barreled him into the back of a woman not moving fast enough.
“Hey.”
She stumbled forward but didn’t fall. The tear-streaked face she turned his
direction couldn’t have been caused by him. Her red eyes looked like she’d been
at it for a while. She crossed her arms. “What’s the deal? Are you lost or
something?”
“Uh…no.”
He looked her up and down. The supple curves on this woman just begged to be
scratched.“Are you from around here?”
“Seriously—now
you’re trying to hit on me?”
“Of course not—you seem upset. Is
there something I can do?” He needed to keep her talking—reel her into trusting
him and his friendly smiles. Her emotional state only made it that much easier
for him to manipulate the situation.
“I don’t know.” She squeezed her
folded arms even tighter, her eyes pooling with tears again.
“Come
on, now.” He held out his hand. His fingers burned with so much pent-up desire
it took all of his control not to lash out and force her to the ground. “How
will you know unless you try?”
What a creepier take on the same moment, right? I hope
these two examples help you understand the importance of showing your
point-of-view character’s motivation. In fact, I would say it’s more important
than the dialogue your characters actually speak. It will elevate your novels
to a whole new level, and you’ll find the need for redundant
actions like smiling, frowning, or brows furrowing in confusion almost
disappear.
